I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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