I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
