you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
