You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
