i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
