Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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