I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
