So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just pynch a tree in the face
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
