we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
