is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
