so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
