U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
