you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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