he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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