Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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