At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
