you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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