are you so shy because you have an std?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize