My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
