you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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