I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
