She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My penis needs a shock collar
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
