Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
