You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So many bounce houses so little time
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she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
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Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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