We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The air was thick with penises
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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