He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
