you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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