Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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