Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
