xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
