Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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