I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
