The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
