Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
