Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
