He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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