I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
