Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
