You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
