you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
