absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
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I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
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I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on