i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
two words: eviction party
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
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Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She needs sedatives and a leash
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Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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