Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
