you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
