she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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