You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
