i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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