I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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