i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
