Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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