her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
