Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
fuck your aforementioned shoe
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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