I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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