I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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