can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
