i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
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My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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