Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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