You're earring is so big in my mouth
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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