i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Im part way to drunk.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
