I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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