I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
