I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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