My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
