i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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