This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
