you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
