Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
