When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He called his prostate his "boner button".
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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