Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
