the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
