thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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