So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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