i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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