Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
