They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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