You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
ok first of all what the fuck
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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