didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
