I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
