Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
