sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
