Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
