Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
